G R E G O R Y

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tue, 25 Nov 2003 04:05:57 GMT

I FUCKING HATE HOW PROFESSORS CRAM EVERYTHING AT THE END!!!!!!!!!!!!! DO THEY NOT FUCKING UNDERSTAND THAT WE ARE HUMANS NOT SOME FUCKING MACHINES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I seriously am not programmed to handle this kind of stress......da fuck is up with this school???? Argh......ok I feel better getting that out of the way.

Marvel's Poem 10 - (11/13/03)

Fri, 14 Nov 2003 05:41:19 GMT

You are the most precious thing,
in my life today.
You mean more to me than anyone else,
and I hope you’re here to stay.

What I feel for you lies deep,
deep within my heart.
The amount of love you see,
is merely just a part.

Not even these poems,
that you inspire me to write,
can describe how I adore you,
or how I dream of you day and night.

You fill my head with things,
I’ve never thought before.
You’ve let me feel true love,
and you let my heart soar.

You are all I’ve ever wanted,
and all I’ll ever need.
Because you my sweet angel,
are the most precious thing.

Marvel's Poem 8 - (10/30/03)

Fri, 31 Oct 2003 20:08:26 GMT

Yet another breath taking poem he read to me...such a sweet guy :)

Take my hand and lead the way
Tell me all you want to say
Whisper softly in my ear
All those things I want to hear

Kiss my lips and touch my skin
Bring out passion deep within
Pull me closer, hold me near
Take my pain and fear

In the darkness of the night
be my beacon shine your light
In the brightness of the sun
Show me that you are the one

Give me wings so I can fly,
so I can soar when you are nearby.
Into my heart, break down the wall
it’s time for me to watch it fall.

I’ve been a prisoner can’t you see
Break my chains and set me free
Strip me of all my armor,
you’ll find that I won’t put up a fight
Release my soul held deep within
Never let the love end

MY SORRY ASS ACADEMIC LIFE

Wed, 29 Oct 2003 20:28:05 GMT

I fucking hate Microbiology so much! I guess it’s been a while since I’ve taken a biology class and it’s taking a while for me to get accostumed to it. My test is this Friday and I’m been seriously studying for the past two days – the more I study the more I realize how little I know! It’s kind of hard to explain, the material is so basic yet so complicated when you look at it in a global perspective. In addition to that, Biochemistry is tremendously demanding. The fucking professor expects us to read his fucking book every night, master the shit, memorize the structures, and every single minute detail for a fucking “pop” quiz. Once you take the quiz and realize you forgot one trivial detail, you feel like all your efforts was wasted. From your dedication in studying every detail, you learn so much but you somehow can't convey what you know through his stupid ass quizzes. Why are professors so fucking ANAL retentive. I swear to god when I become a professor (if that ever happens) I will seriously torture my students to the point of insanity and get some sadistic pleasure out of it!!!! I have so much shit to do and I’m so behind with work – and it’s not like I’m just sitting around my ass and doing nothing. I’ve been losing so much sleep. MY ACADEMIC LIFE SUCKS! I don’t understand how I was capable of motivating myself to work for 15 hours non-stop back in high school. I can’t seem to do it anymore. FUCK THIS SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Marvel's Poem 6 - 9/26/03)

Sat, 27 Sep 2003 15:53:33 GMT

Awww this is so seet...just wanted to share

You're the first thing I think of
Each morning when I rise.
You're the last thing I think of
Each night when I close my eyes.

You're in each thought I have
And every breath I take.
My feelings are growing stronger
With every move I make.

I want to prove I love you
But that's the hardest part.
So, I'm giving all I have to give
To you... I give my heart.

Le parfait

Sat, 27 Sep 2003 09:52:33 GMT

Never have I cried so much nor have I been so happy in my life. Chris is beyond perfection. That is all I have to say.

Argh!

Tue, 23 Sep 2003 06:13:27 GMT

Physical Chemistry is seriously kicking my ass as well as Biochem!

Hurricane Isabel, Picnic, and Bingo Night

Mon, 22 Sep 2003 05:36:38 GMT

This weekend was yet another amazing one. Went home Thursday afternoon before the hurricane hit Northern Virginia and Charlottesville. Even at the time I left, the rain was still pretty strong. Chris came over to my house and spent the night. The 50 mph wind kept waking as up throughout the night. At one point there was this loud back and we literally thought the roof was going to fly off but it was this side covering of the house that was being peeled off by the wind.

The following day, it was incredibly gorgeous. Chris spontaneous idea of having a picnic in DC. Since I had nothing planned, I gladly said yes to the idea. We went to Giant and bought stuff to make sandwiches, as well as chips and some juice. Thereafter, we headed to the Washington Monument to situate ourselves. Unfortunately, no one else was having a picnic. According to Chris people actually have picnics around that area but I guess people didn't contemplate about having a picnic right after a hurricane. So we decided to go to the big lawn between the White house and the Washington Monument. I have to say, the sandwiches we made were the best sandwiches I ever had in my life. I still can imagine the taste and texture. After eating, we just laid there for a while. Eversince the King's Dominion trip, I've definitely lost a lot of apprehension about publicly expressing my affection for Chris. The feeling is nice, and I love it. Before it was something I never considered doing but with his confidence, I felt so comfortable hugging him and cuddling with him in public. Later that night, we watched "Once A Upon a Time in Mexico" at the Eisenhower Theatre (?). I've never been there before but I definitely liked what I see, the freaking theatre was nice and the seats were elevated. It's definitely better than the Reston Town Center Theatre.

On Saturday, Paloma (Chris's friend), Javier (the new soldier in Chris's hospital), Chris and I went to Arundel Mills to eat dinner and shop. Well I didn't buy anything because I couldn't afford anything. Then Chris had this crazy idea (again) of playing Bingo somewhere in Maryland. It was quite entertaining despite the fact that we were probably the youngest of the players there. Most of them were all retired and probably don't even need the prizes, which varied from $300-$1000). Never have I ever in my life played Bingo so seriously. I had so much fun! Unfortunately none of us won anything. After playing Bingo, we discovered that Chris's car was broken into. His stereo system as well as his speakers were stolen. We were surprised that they didn't steal all the clothes that we bought (well of course with my broke ass, I didn't buy anything). Chris actually was calm about the whole situation but he was still upset about it.

Now I'm off to do laundry and do some psychobio studying...

Just Random Stuff

Mon, 15 Sep 2003 20:47:49 GMT

Today was a pretty good day - except I didn't do so well in my psychobiology quiz. The rabit dissection went well cause I partnered up with Sam instead of this pre-med guy last week who could care less about the brain structures. The idea of pre-med students not caring about what they're learning somewhat bothers me because they are our future doctors...Unfortunately, all my classes are saturated with pre-med students and I have to deal with the competition every time.

Yesterday I finally told Houng about my resignation and she took it quite well. Thank god she was very sympathetic towards my situation. But I still think it's going to look bad in my part. I hope Selma, my co-chair, will be fine with the transition.

I'm trying to look for my crypto (card that allows me to get into my dorm building). For some reason I always lose that stupid thing. I'm so irresponsible.

Chris's Surprise and Gay Day at King's Dominion

Mon, 15 Sep 2003 06:51:21 GMT

This weekend was phenomenal – I basically spent more time with Chris. He arrived Friday night around 10 PM and just hung out at Kevin’s place for a bit. Thereafter, Chris and I went back to my room to call it for the night. Before we went to bed I decided to take a shower and Chris went back to his car to get something. I was kind of confused as to why he needed to go back to his car because I thought we had taken all the stuff he needed for the weekend out of his car. Anyhow, after I finished showering, Chris surprised me with a wrapped box. I was paralyzed because I totally didn’t expect him to get me a present! I didn’t want to open it because I didn’t understand why I deserved such a thing. Chris insisted that I open it – it was a digital audio speaker system! He knew that my boombox was so freaking old and ghetto that even if I left it out in the streets no one would even consider stealing it. Chris is the most awesome boyfriend in the world!

On Saturday, Guanqiao, Kevin, Greg, Chris and I went to King's dominion for gay day. It was so nice to be surrounded with a lot of gay people. It felt so comfortable hugging and kissing Chris whenever I wanted. I still have some apprehension about publicly displaying my affection for Chris whenever we’re in Charlottesville. But last night was phenomenal; I truly enjoyed the liberty without the worries of strict criticism. I just can’t wait for the day when I can publicy display my affection without feeling any apprehension or worries. In addition, we highly appreciated the short lines – since the park was mainly reserved for gay people or anyone who supported homosexuals. Who could have thought such a thing could happen – King’s Dominion serving for the benefit of homosexuals. Sometimes I tell myself, it’s the perfect time to be gay.

The highlight of the night was the time when Guanqiao screamed like a 6 year old when he rode the Hurler. After we got off, we were all laughing hysterically. NEVER have I ever heard Guanqiao scream with such terror. Not to be sadistic or anything, but it is truly something I would pay to see again. Another memorable portion of the night was when Chris perpetuated the little hand clapping games the elementary school girls use to play. As the night elapsed, we were going ballistic trying to figure out the clapping routines for these games. Chris’s ability to make some trivial things seem so much more exciting, especially at the age where we’re so caught up with more sophisticated and adult matters, is one of MANY things I like about Chris. He definitely has a creative and playful mind – enough creativity to keep even the most bored child highly entertained for hours or even days. If Chris were to have his own kids, he would definitely serve justice as a fatherly figure. In our last hour at King’s Dominion, we were all basically wasting our money away with the games at the arcades. My heart grew warm and my face blushed when Chris kept winning all the stuff animals from the little crane game. At the end, he just gave them all to me.

Unfortunately, the weekend is over and I have to go back to my laborious work…

Low Key on a Friday Night

Sat, 06 Sep 2003 05:03:08 GMT

Writing is just becoming more and more cumbersome! That and I have been bombarded with too many activites and too many worries. For the past few days I've been spending a lot of quality time with Chris (who was reffered as 'glasses boy' in the previous entries). Yes, the relationship is official. I don't feel the need to write my thoughts and feelings about him because I know I can share them with him without worrying - and I also know that he's reading this entry. I know if someone wrote about me in great detail I would feel awkward so I will refrain from writing incessantly about him. All I can say is that he's AWESOME beyond describable belief - everyone should get to know him. So far he has meshed well with most of my friends, some of my brothers, and my parents (even my weird mother). It's just hard that I'm spending less time with him now because school has started and of course school will get more and more overwhelming by the microsecond. I'm also having a hard time adjusting and adapting to the whole school schedule. In the last two weeks of my summer I was so accostumed to spending time with Chris, high school friends, and UVA friends.

Classes: Classes are ok so far - the class that worries me the most is Biochemistry, taught by John Grisham's brother, Charles Grisham, whom I think is somewhat pompous. On the first day of class, he advised us to read his Biochemistry textbook once, twice, and a third time as if his book is the most phenomenal book in the world. We had our first quiz on Thursday, which consisted of calculating the pH of dissociated acetic acid but in order to answer the question one must have stored the pKa value of acetic acid in their memory. The second question asked for the frequency in which the hydrogen bonds bonded and rebonded in ice. If you ask me these questions are quite riduculous - the quiz does not reflect on the pertinent introductionary information he presented in class but more on our ability to memorize trivial information. People have warned me about his irrationality but the material fascinates me so I'm willing to put up with his shit. It's also my major so I'm bound to the class. I also decided to change my Neurobiology class to Microbiology, taught by the infamous Dr. M. Many have told me that she is a ruthless, despicable bitch. I've also heard that she's more fearsome in her laboratory class, the class every pre-med student has to take, and more lenient in her upper level classes, Microbiology and Virology. For some reason she has this unexplainable animosity towards pre-med students. But honestly, I like her so far - if everything goes well I'll consider taking her Virology class.

Neuroimmunology Lab: Nothing has changed, everything remains stagnant in that freaking lab. If I were to stay there for more than 2 years, like Nadia I would literally die of boredom. The hardest task in the lab is trying to find something productive to do which is pretty damn pathetic. Why do I feel like everyone is enjoying their labs and I'm not? Sometimes I wonder if I'm fit for laboratory work. I'm trying to see if there are any labs in the Medical school or the Chemistry department looking for undergraduate students. I really want to figure out whether laboratory work is something I really want to do.

Today was pretty uneventful - I just stayed in for the night. Didn't really do anything exciting. I refrained from going to the Sorority party at Panda Garden even though I knew a lot of people who considered of attended. Instead, I just stayed in and made Biochemistry flashcards - yeah, it is incredibly stimulating. Aside from Biochemistry, I had time to reflect on things. Anyhow, I'm heading to bed.

Night at Apex with Dinah

Sat, 16 Aug 2003 19:40:06 GMT

Last night, I went clubbing again! God this is getting really pathetic my life revolves around clubbing. I really wanted to go to see the glasses boy. I insisted Dinah to go with me, she was reluctant at first because she didn't really enjoy the music on Thursday night. Eventually, she agreed to join me since she had nothing else planned. Lang and Loatman weren't really interested in going but I was in the clubbing mode. So I told my brother that I was going to a friend's house, which was true because I picked up Jeff Eisenburg, but I didn't really tell him that I was going to take the car to DC. When we got there we saw Lang and Loatman - they decided to go at the spur of the moment.

I have to say last night was the best night I've ever had in Apex - I didn't get hit by any guys I was attracted to, didn't really dance with anyone, nor did I get anyone's number. No, I'm not trying to be sarcastic, I really did enjoy my night because I was dancing all night with Dinah as well as Jeff. I've known Dinah for nine years and never have I ever really danced with her in a club. Thursday night she barely danced because the club played techno, the genre Dinah and I can't really stand, But last night Dinah, Jeff, and I stayed in the video room, where they played a good selection of hip hop. I think everyone was looking at us and thinking that we were heavily drugged up but I didn't really care. But there were some who complemented us for our dancing - that really made me happy. Many also complemented Dinah's clothes which were pretty stylish. I truly enjoyed dancing with Dinah, I think she's one of the best dancers - can't wait to go clubbing with her again. I don't care where, just as long as the play hip-hop.

I didn't see glasses boy but I just don't care anymore. I'm so tired of looking for him.

King's Dominion and Dinah's first time

Fri, 15 Aug 2003 18:33:46 GMT

On Wednesday Loatman and I decided to go to King's Dominion. We asked various people if they wanted to join us but many were too busy. I guess I'm glad that it was only the two of us, otherwise it would have been harder to make everyone happy. We nearly rode every ride except the Hypersonic XL. It seemed like Loatman wanted to ride that one but the line was incredibly long. I rode it before when my friends and I went during the summer of my senior year and it was an awesome ride but I didn't think it was worth the wait. I think the Drop Zone beats the Hypersonic XL - the line is shorter, the ride is pretty quick, and you essentially get the same feeling. I think we did everything we could possibly do to make our money's worth - I was content. Though the ride home was kind of atrocious. We were caught in traffic for nearly an hour and a half.

Yesterday, I went clubbing at Apex with Lang, Kevin, Loatman, and Dinah. Dinah insisted on going ever since Ingrid told Dinah about her experience. I think Dinah definitely enjoyed it - so many guys were complementing her dancing and her clothes. Though I'm not sure if she enjoyed the music very much. During the night, we came across Chris Howell, Jeff Eisenburg, and Mike Weiss; all of whom I thought went to Cobalt. Unfortunately, I didn't see glasses boy I do hope to see him tonight or tomorrow night.

Bothersome Phone Conversations

Tue, 22 Jul 2003 00:03:07 GMT

Last weekend Lang decided to come down to Charlottesville for the APO midsummer’s party. He also needed to consult his Buddhism professor for a recommendation letter, an addendum to his medical school application.

When he arrived he just shared the news about him. It was nice because I’ve been missing out on the fun in NOVA. Then around 3:00PM we decided to go to Car Mike’s theatre to watch “Pirates of the Caribbean.” Unfortunately, the movie was sold out so we just went to blockbuster’s and rented “Phonebooth,” which was a pretty decent movie. Lang made the comment that it was a budget movie because they filmed the entire movie in one scene. Despite that, I still think it was an excellent movie. Then we just ordered Chinese food.

Later that night, Nhan called Lang and mentioned my name in the phone conversation. Apparently, “someone” had found out about my sexuality and it eventually spread out to a bunch of people I know. But Lang promised Nhan not to disclose the names to me. I respect Lang’s promise but I just felt uneasy to know that some group of close acquaintances, whom I knew, found out that I’m gay yet I don’t know the identity of these people. I think I have the right to know - I wanted to know if they accept homosexuality. I told Lang that it was unfair for my part not to know who knew about my sexuality because such knowledge could get in the wrong hands. I didn’t want to pry the names from Lang but the idea that some people know about me without me knowing who knows intimidates me. It was a thought that bothered me for the entire evening.

I don’t know why it bothers me - I keep telling myself it’s something that I shouldn’t worry about too much. But it’s difficult to relinquish the worries from my mind. Somehow I feel a sense of defeat and vulnerability. It’s like someone, whose identity remains unknown to me, knows my weakness; I cannot help but fall back and be defensive with every acquaintance. I remind myself that it’s impossible to appease everyone and anyone who tries to be everyone’s friend is a total fake. Someone will always despise me for who I am or for what I do, and there is nothing I can do to change their feeling. Trying to incur any changes in their feelings will be a waste in my part and would be a useless effort.

The formation of assumptions is what bothers me the most. The night before Lang came over, I watched “The Opposite of Sex.” One part of the movie that I found to be hilarious (the movie was a comedy) as well as scary was when the homosexual student reported to the police that his homosexual teacher molested him, when in reality the molestation never occurred. The entire town went ballistic; the innocent teacher lost his job and his reputation. After such an incident, it was nearly impossible for him to acquire a new job. An event such as the one summarized is something I fear for my future. Teaching and being a child psychologist are professions I am considering. First, I am well aware of the low salaries for these two occupations. Second, the consequences of disclosing my sexuality upon my reputation worry me. A common member of society wouldn’t think so highly of a gay teacher; even worse, a gay child psychologist. Many often hold the misconception that homosexuals are sex offenders when in reality heterosexual males commit 90% of sex crimes. I get so discouraged with this misconception. Is it even worth it to pursue a PhD in a field where my sexuality can lead to some major disadvantages?....

Anyhow, on to more positive things. This past weekend, Lang and Kevin came to Charlotesville for Allen's party, which was pretty cool. Met a lot of people, it was nice cause I haven't really had real human contact for the past couple of days! (Yeah it's not even funny). Allen's party was the highlight of my weekend - for the other portion of the weekend I just basicaly studied for Pchem, which wasn't too exciting at all. I took the test today - it wasn't too bad but it was incredibly long. Sometime in the middle of the test the fire alarm went off. At the time the fire alarm went off, our professor was in his office working on some publication. None of my classmates really cared to get up until a professor next door came into the room and told us to evacuate the building.

After the test, I went straight to work, which was uneventful. I was working with the vibratome (AGAIN!). For those who are not familiar with the vibratome (I don't really expect many to know except those dorks who work in a neuroscience lab), the vibratome is a machine that splices the rat brain into thin layers. Needless to say, this machine is slow as shit and vibratoming a brain takes about an hour and a half. So that's all I did today at work. The most exciting thing was watching a thunderstorm pass by - though it wasn't so impressive becasue it lasted for about 5 minutes.

Big Ass Update

Mon, 14 Jul 2003 12:23:04 GMT

Here I go again, unexpectedly writing another entry and making the same excuse – I’ve been too busy and I haven’t been keeping up with livejournal. One of these days I feel like I’m going to forget about my journal and just stop writing. I do hope that such a thing will never happen. So here’s an update on the events that have occurred this summer:

Before I delve into the details of reason number 2, here’s an update on the events that have occurred this summer.

My birthday (which was a freaking month ago):

I wasn’t too excited – really. For some reason, my birthdays are losing their meaning. I’m not being pessimistic; I think I’m being realistic. I’m quite content with my age, though it may never seem like it. Anyhow, days prior to my birthday Kevin Wu gave me an early birthday present, a book titled “The Meaning of Life.” I guess he read my mind; I seriously am lost and confused with my plans for the future the book somehow gave me some sense of relief. On my actual birthday, Greg called me and greeted me happy birthday as well as Tom – both of whom I haven’t talked to a while. I also got an unexpected phone call from my brother, Dennis. Something that’s kind of odd with my family is that we don’t really take birthdays seriously hence the reason why I found my brother’s phone call to be an unexpected one. Later that evening, Michelle Ng an old high school friend who is also down here in Charlottesville for the Medical Minority Program, took me out to dinner at Saint Marten’s. Then the following weekend, my parents stopped by to celebrate both my birthday and father’s day weekend. Though nothing too exciting or too crazy happened circa my birthday, I still enjoyed it.

Physical Chemistry class:

Believe it or not, I actually enjoyed the class. I began to reap the rewards of the 80s series, specifically Dr. Pate’s class (the 80s series is the honor Chemistry series I pursued during my first two years of college even though I didn’t really belong there). George, a fellow self-masochist who is double majoring in Chemistry and Physics and minoring in Middle East studies, decided to take Physical Chemistry with me just a week before the academic year ended. Also, Ellen (the clique’s fag hag) was enrolled in the class. Given my math background, I think I do fairly well when it comes to chemical computations. Unfortunately, like always, my interests do not match up with my talents. I find organic chemistry more fascinating than physical chemistry, but I find myself having difficulties in understanding organic chemistry. Though, this past Thursday the second session of Pchem started and we began with Quantum Mechanics. I thought I never had to see physics again, especially the electromagnetic theories. The first day was pretty bad because everyone nearly fell asleep. The professor just kept going on and on with every classical physics derivation, then at the end he began to weave them together into one whole concept. I am now beginning to appreciate my decisions in taking Multivariable Calculus and Differential Equations during my first year. Those classes are unnecessary prerequisites but the topics the professor is currently teaching are pretty hard to understand without the appropriate math background. Hopefully everything will fall through.

I decided to take Physical Chemistry this summer because I want to finish my Chemistry major and concentrate in Psychology. Taking physical chemistry during the summer has made me reconsider my career options. I tell myself I can work in a private industry and earn lots of money – but I’m still not so sure if laboratory work is something I want to do. Hence, the other reason why I stayed here for the summer: obtaining laboratory experience.

Neuroimmunology Lab:

I started working just a week after class started. The lab is average sized and the lab doesn’t give an intimidating vibe like the other chemistry laboratories in the Chemistry building. Another feature I like about the lab is the windows to the outside world. Unlike this psychobiology laboratory, most of the chemistry labs literally do not have contact with sunlight. The absence of sunlight often puts me in a depressed mood therefore sunlight is a necessity for me in order for my body to function properly.

I have done various things in the lab such as perfusing the rats, handling rats, splicing the rat brains into thin layers, mounting brain layers onto slides, and performing neurological surgery on rats. Though as odd as it may seem, I really don’t understand what the hell is going on. I’m doing everything they’re telling me to do but I just don’t understand why I’m doing them. I wish I were more involved with the research and the creativity of the projects and experiments executed in the lab. But I guess one requires a lot of scientific knowledge and background before getting involved in the actual research. I have heard of many stories where fellow Chemistry majors were lucky enough to get an internship at NIH yet many of them leave the internship not really knowing what they did. Many of them are capable of reporting the main itinerary of the department they worked for but not the specifics. In addition, many have complained to me that the people who offer the internships at NIH often come off as impersonal people. I am fortunate enough to work for Lisa Goehler’s Lab because all the other laboratory workers and lab technicians, especially Heather and Nadia, are nice enough and patient enough to show me everything and anything I need to know in the lab. My main complaint is Amy, every time I say something she always seems to respond with a bite of criticism and she always gives me this condescending look. I’m not so sure if she is fond of me and if what I say is true, I don’t know what I ever did to her. Oh well.

So far my experience in lab has been great but I wouldn’t say it’s the most exhilarating. Perhaps if I knew more about the research then I would find it more interesting. I’m already thinking of working in the medical school in working for laboratories that study the mechanism of Alzheimer’s disease, Parkinson’s disease, or schizophrenia (then again, these plans are tentative). For now I’m taking advantage of the work experience in Lisa Goehler’s lab.

Falling out with the Physics TA:
Physics lab was atrocious. With this past session, I realized how hard it was. The content of the lab was not difficult at all. In physics lab, they don’t really care much if you know the main premise of the lab. They care more about the accuracy of your results, well I felt like that was the case with my TA. With my lab reports, I went into detail both the premise of the lab as well as the main sources for errors. I also supported the errors with statistical calculations but I got a lot of points off simply because I could not get accurate results. I often made the argument that most of the gadgets and tools provided in lab were not sufficient enough to obtain the theoretical results even if we did the experiment 1,000 times! Since our grades were based on the accuracy of our results, many of the students fabricated data just to get those extra points. I feel sorry for pre-med students who suffer the consequences of that class. It’s sad to think that some might be deprived of getting in a decent medical school simply because they could not obtain 9.81 m/sec^2 as the constant acceleration of gravity in many of these lab experiments even though they understood how the theoretical value was calculated. In addition, the amount of work I put in that class was totally unproportional to the amount of credits (the class is 1.5 credits!). I yelled at the TA and told him that the class is completely ridiculous and that it’s such a waste of time. He wanted all of us to treat the class as if we were working for the government. In all honesty, I understand his intensions. But I think it’s stupid to make the assumption that college students would be interested in measuring and calculating the constant acceleration of gravity repeatedly. Issac Newton and Galileo already proved the constant acceleration of gravity; I’m convinced with their results. I don’t need to measure it myself. If I were actually passionate about my research, I would do anything and everything I could in order to prove my research. I could care less about the constant acceleration of gravity.

I had the intentions of finishing my physics lab requirements at the end of this summer but I have decided to drop the second part of physics lab next session. I’ll take physics lab II some other time. Doing so will definitely give me more free time in the 2nd session and I can also spend my time in more interesting things such as the neuro-immunology lab.

Esti’s Party and Kevin Wu’s birthday:

On the weekend of the 25th of June, and I went back home to NOVA to celebrate Esti and Kevin’s birthdays (separately). Esti’s party was pretty cool, though I was being the introvert like the usual. That’s something I don’t understand about myself, sometimes I’m completely introverted and at other times I’m completely extroverted. Seriously, I think all my friends in high school perceived me as this extreme extrovert (then again I could be wrong but that’s what Jen and Michelle told me). I am really shy at first but once I get to know the person I open up. Loatman brought his friend, Caesar, along. I mentioned to Loatman that Caesar might feel uncomfortable and feel out of place in Esti’s party but I definitely think Caesar adapted to the situation better than I did. Later that night Ellen, Aaron, and Brian stopped by. Ellen, Aaron, and I just talked about the usual, Chemistry this, Chemistry that, the stupid 80s series and what we plan to do with our Chemistry majors. Somehow Ellen always brings up the 80s series, I get so tired of it. I’ve done my complaining about it and I’m pretty sure other people are tired of it too. Personally, I don’t think chemistry is something that should be discussed unless someone is presenting some interesting research to an audience. Anyhow, some attractive guy approached me and asked my name and the usual get-to-know-you-for-the-first-time questions. Little did I know, he just wanted to get closer to Aaron. Then the attractive guy just completely forgot about my existence and I could see that he had his total attention towards Aaron. Well obviously I had my total attention towards this other guy. At that moment my ego was ripped into pieces, I haven’t had that feeling for a while. Perhaps the last time that happened was when Guanqiao, Lang, and I tried to randomly hit on some guys at Nation, which always turns out to be a bad idea anyway. After all of that I was reminded of all of my insecurities. I sometimes I wish I were insensitive towards these trivial things but it’s always these little things that affect my mood. After that night, Caesar and Loatman decided to go to Chaos (some Latino club). I couldn’t get in because I wasn’t 21 – even if I were I think they would have questioned me. But I was actually glad that I didn’t get in because I just wanted to go home. Caesar and Loatman went to the club and I just drove home. At first I was freaking out because I’ve never really driven around DC and I wasn’t even allowed to drive the car to DC. If my brother found out that I was driving in DC that night, he would have mutilated me. But for some reason driving at night always calmed me so it was actually nice driving around. It was nice way to end the night cause it helped me clear some thoughts.

The next day, Kevin insisted that Loatman, Lang, and I should drop by his birthday party. Upon my arrival, I was mesmerized by the immensity of Kevin’s house. Well compared to my shack, his house is definitely nicer and bigger. Lang arrived later and surprised me with a birthday present. I really am not use to getting birthday presents. (Oh yeah speaking of birthday present, I also received Greg’s devious Abercombie magazine and cologne both of which I enjoyed very much :O) ). I met Kevin’s little sister and cousin, both of whom were pretty cool kids. I know Ingrid is going to laugh at me for this but I kind of miss the Kindercare days, specifically the interaction with the kids NOT the cleaning up. Every time I interact with kids I always wonder whether I should pursue clinical psychology or developmental psychology for graduate school. Though, Lisa Goehler warned me that clinical research is incredibly boring. Anyhow, we went to Nation. I really had no intention in going because I just wanted to relax for the weekend but now that I think about it I’m actually glad I went. Usually I am always depressed every time I leave Nation but I have to say it was actually one of the best nights I had at Nation. I guess one of the main reasons for my shift in perception was because we stayed in the small room. I know Kevin may not agree with me on this, but I think there are more attractive people in the small room than the big room. I think Loatman and I agree that the music in the small room is definitely better. The music was great; we all danced the night away. We also saw James, Kentucky Andy, Esti, and Jay.

George’s little birthday celebration:
A few hours after George and I finished the Physical Chemistry exam, we celebrated his birthday along with John, this girl named Jesse, and two of his other friends, David and Shawn. I thought David was pretty damn cute. He seemed like one of those guys who were totally unaware of their own level of attraction. Whenever he spoke he was quite intense yet he never comes out to be an intimidating person. I would be shocked if he didn’t have a girlfriend. Anyhow, we all went to Miller’s at downtown. It was kind of pathetic; no one really ordered anything but water and sodas. George would have been elated if he could have ordered an alcoholic beverage but he still has another year before he can do that. After sitting around for a good hour, we decided to go back to George’s place. There we met up with Ahn, Bashir, and Sam. Everyone just basically played beer pong and I remained as a spectator because I had no desire to drink.

Ok I’m getting tired of updating…I should write more often so that I don’t have to do this again….

Memorial Day Weekend

Tue, 27 May 2003 19:15:36 GMT

Yesterday I got back from UVA, where I spent my weekend. I was there to celebrate Jenny Van's Birthday as well as my birthday even though my birthday is in 3 weeks. (Jenny Van is this really smart and humble girl in my Chemistry class, she was also in my synthesis group).

I arrived there on Saturday afternoon. Upon our arrival we decided to eat at Ruby Tuesday's and I ordered the usual chicken platter. This hot guy was serving for us - so I was happy. Thereafter we all went to the Monticello, Thomas Jefferson's house. We all thought it would be nice to visit his home before we graduate from UVA - it would be a shame to graduate without learning anything about Thomas Jefferson's home. I was trying very hard to be impressed but the place wasn't as impressive as the campus. Perhaps I've been so accustomed to modern architecture that I no longer find old architecture interesting or that I don't know much about the history or architecture to appreciate it enough.

After our Monticello excursion, we went back to where Jenny was staying (her pastor's house). It was kind of weird being surrounded with all of these religious relics. It has been so long since I've been exposed to so many religious decorations - I haven't been to church for weeks! Her pastor was gone for the weekend as well as the entire week therefore their house was able to accommodate us. I was glad that they weren't present because it would have been awkward if we talked about Christianity since Lauren (Selma's Jewish friend) and I were the only non-Christians in the group. They probably would have banished me out of the house if they had known that I have lost faith in Jesus Christ. Anyhow, we ordered Chinese food. Ordering food was such an ordeal because some people were making things complicated by yelling things out that were unnecessary. Perhaps I was also contributing to the complication but I just got irritated, yelled, and told everyone to be quiet - I took the initiative to organize everything and jotted everyone's choices. It seemed as if we ate the food faster than ordering the food. I think the people whom I spent the weekend with were incredibly inflexible - they got extremely paranoid when plans changed. They had planned to cook dinner the day before but we were all exhausted by the time we arrived from our Monticello tour hence the reason we decided to order food. For desert, Brandon presented the fruit tart-like-cake. He placed four candles on the cake and everyone sang Happy Birthday to Jenny and I - even though my birthday is in three weeks. The cake was complemented with some vanilla with caramel and nuts ice cream. I think I ate my dessert too fast because I suffered the consequences of an excruciating headache afterwards.

After our delicious feast of westernized Chinese food and the fruit tart, we played Tri-bond. At first I was hesitant to play because I'm incredibly poor at trivia games. I've always avoided them inorder to escape the consequences of embarrassment but I couldn't escape that night. I always imagined myself as the contestant in "Who wants to be a Millionaire" incapable of answering the $100 question. At the end, I was surprised that my team almost won though I felt as if I didn't serve any justice to the team.

We ended the night by talking about marriage, relationship and sex issues. Again, being dominated by Christians (4 to 2), it was awkward but I could no longer stand being so reserved in their presence. With every question, I stopped to ask myself whether it was appropriate for the discussion. It was almost as if I was rapping these Christians with the sensitive questions but they found the discussion rather entertaining and we somehow prolonged it to two hours.

Throughout the discussion, I could not help but notice that Brandon was silent during the entire conversation. The first time I talked to Brandon, I had no doubt in my mind that he was gay though I do not have enough evidence to conclude his homosexuality. He has a high pitched voiced, one that can be mistaken for a female kindergarten with a cherubic voice. Perhaps he has not reached puberty and lacks testosterone or perhaps, his dedication to Christianity somehow suppresses the testosterone levels as well as his sexual desires. Or maybe with his Japanese cultural background, he has learned to be obedient, submissive, and generous and I have misconstrued his strict mannerisms as homosexuality. I have also observed that he uses the words 'cute', 'nasty', and the disgusted expression 'Ewwwww' incessantly - the use of such expressions by a male will make any person stop and think whether he is a homosexual or not. In addition to all of these observations, he associates mainly with female acquaintances. The only other time I've seen him with the presence of male friends occurred when he was eating dinner with people in Chi Alpha (this Christian frat wannabe).

Before my trip to Charlottesville this past weekend, I had the intention of outing myself to Selma, Jenny, and Brandon. I reconsidered it when Selma invited her high school friend Lauren and when Selma's friend, Nina decided to join our weekend excursions. Though, my main concern was Brandon. I do not mean to sound so demeaning but I feel as if Brandon acts more feminine than me - I'm not saying that I don't act feminine at all. Anyhow, I just thought it would be so awkward to out myself to a person who acts more feminine than me and if HE WERE TRULY GAY then I didn't want to make him feel compelled to out himself to the entire group. I was more worried about Brandon than my own well being. Therefore, I never got the chance to tell everyone about my homosexuality.

The next day I was elated with joy to hear rain drops upon my awakening. Selma had planned to go hiking on some trail days before our trip. I really had no desire to go hiking because I was really lazy. I'd rather watch a movie and lay on the couch. We headed to Nina's place to decide what to do for the day but instead, breakfast distracted everyone's train of thoughts. Breakfast consisted of strawberry muffins, strawberry pancakes, and orange juice. I was amazed with the strawberry muffins; I never had strawberry muffins in my life. As I devoured them I almost lost consciousness - it's been eons since I ate freshly baked muffins. After breakfast we came to the consensus of strolling around Barracks and Fashion Square mall to go shopping. Personally, I despise shopping with a passion because it always reminds me of the times I strolled along with my mother to the mall. She always tricked me into her false promise of buying one and only one piece of merchandise yet for some reason she would take endless hours. I never understood female's obsession with shopping. The highlight of the day was stopping by Barnes and Nobles. I happened to stubble upon "The Idiot's Guide to Civil Liberties." I know this may sound stupid but I'm a fan of these books because they go straight into the information and they demystify the subject matters that appear to be complicated. I sometimes imagine myself as a teacher implementing the use of these books instead of the boring textbooks used in the standard school curriculum. I really wanted to buy the book but I didn't want to spend too much money.

After wandering aimlessly around the mall, we went back to the house and Selma, Nina, and Brandon prepared authentic Chinese food. I was a bit excited because I've never really had genuine Chinese food - many have told me that the food in Chinese restaurants is not reflective of the Chinese culture. I always perceived Chinese food as meat immersed in different colors of sauces. After they prepared the food, I was surprised to see that most of the dishes were filled with green vegetables instead of meat. I guess it makes sense, unlike the Americans, China does not mass-produce animals like crazy.

During our last night, we indulged ourselves by playing a few card games, a game of pictionary, and game of 25 or less. I think I was getting into pictionary too seriously because it was the only game where I demonstrated a form of intelligence. Playing board games reminded of the teenage slumber parties I always wanted but never had since I was socially inept.

The next morning, we enjoyed a second breakfast of pancakes (this time we had the option of banana pancakes) and finally left Charlottesville.

Overall it was a good weekend but I longed the presence of unreserved people…

UVA Graduation 2003

Wed, 21 May 2003 07:41:47 GMT

Through out last week I was considering of going to the UVA graduation ceremony, I never really thought about finding a ride and I assumed it would be easy to find one. But as the week elapsed I grew worried because I began to realize that perhaps I wouldn't be able to make it to graduation. It was my fault - I should have planned it earlier but thank God Maritel, this girl from OYFA, was kind enough to give me a ride to UVA on Sunday morning. She had to go there to meet up with her boyfriend so that they could go to the beach. It was raining when we left Northern Virginia and it was raining when we arrived at Charlottesville. I was a bit worried because I didn't really know how graduation was going to work.

I thought perhaps UVA would be considerate enough to move graduation elsewhere but no they didn't want to break tradition, which I guess is understandable - UVA students only get to process the lawn once and I think it's definitely a special event. I just felt sorry for all the students who had to do it because the lawn got so muddy and everyone was drenched. When the graduation song started playing - it struck an electrical stimulation to my brain and it began to invoke all the memories of my high school graduation. I instantly remembered the feeling of pride and joy that rushed through my spine when I walked down that aisle while the same graduation song was being played. But then it eventually got old because it took like an hour to have everyone walk across the lawn. Mortimer Caplin, the keynote speaker, presented a decent speech, though many may not agree with me. He first talked about the time and effort involved in planning and inviting renowned keynote speakers in graduation events and how little people remember from their speeches. Then I began to ask myself who the keynote speaker for my high school graduation was, and I confirmed that he was right because I didn't remember a damn thing about him. Anyhow, he talked about his keynote speaker - Franklin D. Roosevelt - I thought it was pretty cool, just adds more spice to UVA's history. Although, he just kept going on and on about his keynote speaker and his life after the president's speech. It's almost as if he was saying that our keynote speaker sucked and his was so much better. During graduation, I couldn't even see the speaker because people kept trying to get in the front. Some people were just so freaking inconsiderate, they would migrate from one place to another without being aware of the damage their umbrellas could inflict. Many were just not using their logic at all, they thought they would get a better view by moving to the front - it never occurred to them that perhaps everyone would think of the same thing and that perhaps trying to get in the front would just cause more chaos. So the people who moved to the front eventually walked back to their previous spots. It was those people who made the graduation so unbearable because they poked the same people twice with their freaking umbrellas.

After the ceremony at the lawn, I went to the Chemistry ceremony at 12:30 PM just to see what I would expect from my graduation (if I decide to attend the Chemistry instead of the Psychology ceremony). It was nice but I was upset because Cassandra Fraiser made the opening speech and I thought Dr. Harman should have done it. He could have done a better job than Fraiser, who was stuttering throughout her mundane speech. Perhaps it's been so long since she has been in the presence of so many people. Anyhow, they just presented the diplomas - nothing too exciting. I called Jeff and he told me that he just got out of his Econ ceremony and that he was about to grab lunch with his family. So I decided to attend a second graduation ceremony, the Psychology one which was held in Cabell auditorium. When I entered Cabell, I saw Miss Farhana, this woman whom I worked with in Kindercare. But at first I thought she was my neighbor because they looked exactly alike. It was only after I asked how her two sons were doing that I figured she wasn't my neighbor but instead my former co-worker. She replied, "I think you're mistaking me for someone." - I felt so embarrassed and felt so stupid. Thereafter, I suddenly remembered her telling me about her friend whose daughter attended UVA so I just assumed that she was there to attend her graduation. The Psychology ceremony wasn't too interesting, but they gave out awards to the professors. I was happy that my PSYC 101 Professor Dr. Haidt got two awards, the Psychology professor of the year award and some other award, because he was definitely an awesome professor (though I've heard he's arrogant and incredibly conceited). They also gave out an award to Professor Oltman, the Abnormal Psychology professor, because he was retiring. I've heard nothing but positive things about this guy and I guess I'm upset that he's leaving the department because Abnormal Psychology is a class I intended on taking. When the award was handed to him, all the psychology students gave him standing ovation. After the awards were given, Professor Freeman called out each of the psyc students' names and Professor Wilson handed them their diplomas. The list of psychology student was quite long and I feel asleep during this portion of the ceremony.

After the ceremony, I ran into Jenny Van. I invited her to eat lunch with me at the Pavilion. I enjoyed her company with some sushi and I bought her a Smoothie. I could not help but share my concerns about the future as well as my tentative plans - perhaps the graduation ceremony perpetuated my projection into the future. She just talked about her current experience in Dr. MacDonald's lab and how much she enjoys every moment of it. I started getting excited about my lab this summer and I do hope it's something I will enjoy. After my delicious lunch and after she gulped her smoothie, we parted and said goodbye to each other. I'm going to visit her next weekend along with Selma and Brandon to celebrate Jenny's birthday as well as mine.

Then for the rest of the night I just hung out with Jeff and his friends. I felt like a pest because I had nothing better to do but follow him around. I just hope my presence didn't bother him - he didn't convey any obvious expressions of impatience or agitation so I guess he was okay with me being around. After observing his friends during the parties that we attended, I got the feeling that many of them were scared and were freaked out by the changes. They seemed as if they were trying very hard to have fun but the thoughts about the future suppressed most of their excitement. It was their last night to enjoy the college life. The seriousness of their conversations forced me to think about what I wanted to do with my remaining two years in UVA. At the same time I was also jealous with Jeff and the relationships he has formed with his friends. He knew so many people! His phone was basically ringing every 10 minutes and people were begging to see him just one more time before he left UVA.

Despite the horrible graduation, I'm really glad that I attended the ceremony. I do believe that my college life perspective has shifted towards the positive spectrum. I have two more years to make it memorable. There's no sense in being bitter and being miserable - of course people have their phases but you have to make the best out of it. The more I talked to the fourth years - now graduates, the more I was happy with the idea that I have two more years left in my college career. People have said that their college years were the best times of their lives. This year was definitely awesome and I will make sure that it will be better next year. I know I tend to come off as a bitter person but seriously I love college and I love UVA. I can't wait till next year.

Justin Pan

Sun, 11 May 2003 03:33:05 GMT

I finally let UVA today at 3:30PM ~ Wow second year is over. I'm kind of upset because I have lots of memories but I never had the time to write my thoughts and feelings about certain events. The idea of being done with half of my college career scares me...I can't imagine what the fourth years are going through. It seems like they are bound to reality and they no longer can enjoy their youth. There's a lot of stuff that I'll definitely miss from my second year - I can also name a few things that I will definitely not miss (needless to say, Cassandra). But the one thing that I will miss the most is my room mate. Next year, I will be parting from him and we will no longer be room mates. At first I regretted rooming with him during first year because I thought I was going to end up like one of those losers who will continue to hang out with no one but high school friends. But it actually didn't turn out that way, I became closer to him and at the same time I expanded my horizons. Every night we consistently talked about issues that bothered us, sex, relationships, family, future plans, anything and everything - you name it. I have to say, he's one of the reasons for my lack of sleep. I was hesitant to come out to him at first but I'm really glad I came out to him because he acknowledged it with respect. He became interested in the gay scene and attempted to fathom the mind-set of gay people through our discussions. I also enjoyed giving him advice about relationships - although he never really embraced them hence his continued single life (ha!). In addition, He was so comfortable with his sexuality that he didn't mind conversing with some of my gay friends, especially Guanqiao whose sarcastic and bitter remarks always made Justin laugh like a freaking hyena. I am definitely going to miss him....next year I'll be happy to have my own room in Brown but I know it won't be the same without him. He's the best guy friend any gay guy could ask for.

Just thinking....

Tue, 15 Apr 2003 00:27:53 GMT

I've been having such a hard time concentrating all day today...I don't know why...maybe it's the sun or something. Throughout the day I just kept pondering what about Jen and Julie were thinking. As I write this entry, the memorial service is being held. I hope my parents made it to support her family. I just can imagine the anxiety they're going through, the idea that everything seems to be falling apart is haunting their minds. I know it's an experience I will be going through, but I hope not anytime soon....

Well on the positive note, I finally talked to Lisa Goehler today. I will be working in her lab during this summer and during the next academic year :) I'm so glad I consulted her because she seems like a really nice lady. She's just fresh out of graduate school and she still has that college girl spirit. She was so excited about her research and she just kept going on and on about it ~ so it's obvious that she has a passion for her research. Can't wait to work in her lab and profuse rat brains!

It's been so long....

Sun, 13 Apr 2003 21:32:55 GMT

Wow...I haven't written for awhile so here's the stuff that's happened in my life

-Mahogany performance was phenomenal, I'm gonna be the Treasurer again for next year (Mitch and Jennifer are going to be co-head coordinators! yay!)
-Broke up with Matt....I think he's still upset about it
-I have been partying less this semester
-Classes kicking my ass especially physics considering the fact that I had no physics background
-I finally decided to Major in psychology instead of minoring in it
-I'll be taking summer classes again! I'll be taking Physical Chemistry and Physics Lab
-I talked to Lisa Goehler one of the head advisors in the Psychobiology department, she will be interviewing me tomorrow. Hopefully I can work in her lab
-Thinking about Gradschool and studying Psychology
-Been hanging out with Tom more often now, he's a pretty cool guy
-Trying to find a sublet this summer (hopefully I can share a place with Adam, Allen, Emily, Brian Dunkle and Guanqiao)
-Went to 216 last week, saw this cute guy - Andrew Ron. I told Jeff about him and he told me that people have been questioning whether he's gay or not. But I think Maha said that he's straight. Bummer....oh well. It's not like I have time for a relationship
-I am now part of the Asian Student Union and I will be the Outreach Exec Council...hehhe slowly seeping my way into power. Also trying to get into PAFN and ECASU.
-Went to Asian Leadership conference yesterday, it was fun interacted with other leaders of Asian organizations within UVA. The current Outreach Exec Council is so fucking hot!
-I'm gonna be screwed this week haven't started studying for my two psyc exams
-Went to Ludacris concert the first 2/3rds sucked because the people who opened up the concert sucked ass. The first group who opened up the show was asked to step off the stage and the secnd group was ok, they were just signing Jay-Z's songs. Then Ludacris finally showed up that obnoxious bastard...by the time he showed up I was so tired from standing but I tried to be energetic.
-I'll be signing up for classes on Tuesday....I hope I like my classes next year....more applicable. I'm tired of all this dry shit we have to learn.

Finally I'll end this entry with some sad news.....

Jen and Julie's mother passed away on Saturday. (Jen and Julie are good friends of mine from highschool) I don't understand how they can finish this semester after their mother's death. I wrote an entry sometime during the summer and I was talking about someone having cancer and that someone is Jen's mother. A lot of people were shocked because they didn't even know she had cancer. The Kim family didn't want to be constantly reminded of the mother's illness so they decided to withold the information from everyone even close friends. I called Jen today and she seemed to be doing well same goes for Julie. I think Jen is more concerned of what is to become of her father now that he's going to be alone in the house. I think the Kim family were thinking of moving to a townhouse somewhere in Centerville so they can move on with ease and relinquish themselves from the memories ingrained within their current home. The memorial service will be held tomorrow at 8PM. I told Jen I couldn't make it but my parents will be there to support her family.

It's Shit like this that scare me.....

Fri, 28 Feb 2003 04:52:35 GMT

Yes, I haven't updated for awhile! Life has been unkind to me....too much freaking work! I've actually done a pretty good job balancing my social and academic life. For the past few days I've been locking myself in Clemmons library to be productive. On Monday night...I spent my night at Clemmons for the first time EVER. On that day I had a physics test at 10AM and then a chemistry test from 7PM-10PM. After the series of all these science tests, I had to work on my psychology assignment. I didn't finish till 4:30 AM. Instead of going back home, I just decided to sleep at the library. At 7:30 in the morning, the fire alarm went off because one of the custodians accidently opened the emergency exit. Unfortunately, there was some flaw in the alarm system and they couldn't turn it off. I decided to go to Newcomb and take a nap there till 9AM. So yeah, Monday and Tuesday sucked. But anyhow, I'm done and I'm happy :)

So Thursday morning........I heard this really sick story (Cavalier daily posted it today):

Shortly before 2 a.m. yesterday, Daisy Lundy, second-year College student and Student Council presidential candidate, was assaulted in Poe Alley, directly behind the West side of the Lawn.

According to several sources nearby at the time, Lundy had just left the Lawn room of Tim Lovelace, student member of the Board of Visitors, to retrieve her cellular phone from her car, parked at the end of the alley.

While she was searching for her phone, an unknown assailant reportedly assaulted Lundy. As she was leaning into her car, the assailant allegedly grabbed Lundy by the hair and slammed her head against the steering wheel. She subsequently fell to the ground, causing minor injury to her ankle.

Multiple sources, including Coalition Chair Ryan McCarthy, who was present when Lundy spoke to the police, confirmed yesterday that Lundy told police the assailant said, "no one wants a nigger to be president."

Police are investigating the assault as a hate crime.

"Whenever there is an objective way of judging whether a crime was committed with some bias, it is labeled a bias crime," University Deputy Police Chief Michael Coleman said, clarifying the terminology.

Police do not carry out special investigations for hate offenses, though such crimes can carry harsher penalties when prosecuted by the Commonwealth attorney, Coleman said.

Police provided a description of the alleged assailant yesterday in a press release, describing the suspect as "a heavyset white male, wearing a dark coat, light pants and a dark hat."

The University has offered a $1,000 reward for information leading to the arrest and conviction of the person or persons responsible for the assault.

Council Elections Committee Chair Julie Teater closed the online polls for the Council presidential run-off at 8:05 a.m. yesterday, in response to the assault.

"I received a request from Daisy's campaign to close the polls this morning," Teater said yesterday. "I wholeheartedly supported that request."

The elections committee has not yet rescheduled the remainder of the run-off, but Teater said it probably will take place the first week after spring break. The polls originally were scheduled to be open from 8 a.m. Tuesday through 8 p.m. yesterday.

"Polls will be opened again for the amount of time [they were] closed early -- 12 hours," Teater said. "The votes that were cast in the first 24 hours are still in the system ... and will still be valid."

The run-off election lasts for a total of 36 hours, 24 of which have been completed.

Lawn residents were called to the scene of the assault Wednesday morning when Lundy repeatedly honked her car horn. Lovelace heard the honking and decided to make sure things were okay, said McCarthy, who lives two rooms down from Lovelace and has been actively involved in Lundy's campaign.

When Lovelace arrived on the scene, Lundy was lying on the ground and he began screaming.

Fourth-year Curry student Mary Ellen Bizzarri said she heard Lovelace scream and walked down the alley, where she heard Tim scream "call 911."

Bizzarri called the police at 1:53 a.m.

Police responded to the scene within a minute, according to University Police Sgt. Dave Webb, who remained at the scene of the assault for several hours afterward.

An ambulance soon arrived on the scene and carried Lundy to the University Medical Center. She subsequently was released, having sustained no serious injuries.

Prior to the assault, Lundy had filed police reports regarding telephone threats she began receiving Sunday night.

Police urge students with any information related to the assault to report leads immediately to Crime Stoppers at 977-4000.

I have so much things to say about the issue....but I think I've touched upon the issue so many damn times in my journal. When I heard about this story, the first thing that came to my mind was Todd, my suitemate, who continues to think and believe that racism as well as slavery were never serious issues. I just wanted to ask his opinions about this whole assault story last night, but I don't think I was ready to hear his side and his defense. I held myself back cause I knew I would only get upset....

Snow Snow don't go away, please come back another day!

Tue, 18 Feb 2003 06:50:15 GMT

I woke up today and I was surprised by the amount of snow outside. I heard that there was going to be a big snow storm but I remember back in high school I use to trust the weathermen when they predicted snow storms but they failed miserably most of the times. I called Tom around 11am and told him that I don't plan to walk through the trecherous snow just to eat brunch in Newcomb. We had talked the night before and agreed to meet up for brunch but I had no motivation to get through the snow. I decided to eat cereal for breakfast and buy instant coffee at Lambeth Commons to make coffee. I basically just studied for Intro to Cognition test, which is on Tuesday. Then after studying for awhile I wasted time and then wasted more time. Thereafter, I decided to study for my Chemistry test, which is suppose to be today (7pm-10pm). Tom called me around 7pm and informed me that classes are canceled on Monday. I was excited but not really because I had planned to skip my Monday classes to study for Chemistry but I still didn't know if the Chemistry test is canceled or not. Instead of putting chemistry off, I decided to finish the practice exam. I was happy because I finished the last 4 questions in an hour and a half unlike the first 6 questions, which took me more than two days. After finishing my practice exam, I decided to go back. Ramesh IMed me and said that Crystal (one of Aaron's fag hags) emailed the professor and said that the test will be postponed to next Monday. The professor should have sent an email to the entire class so there would be no misunderstandings. I was incredibly happy when I found this out.

Instead of continuing with my studies, I sought people who wanted to go and play in the snow. Only Greg and Tom replied with a positive attitude everyone else needed the time to catch up with work. Greg also invited Ping, Jing, and Hye Ri (sp?) so I was excited. We met up in the IRC and stayed in Ping's room for awhile. Once we walked out in the snow, everyone just started picking up snow (or rather ice patches) and throwing it at each other. It was incredibly hard to make snow balls since the snow was very soft. So instead, everyone just picked up soft ice patches that frozed into large throwable pieces. For some reason, everyone was interested in throwing snow at Ping, I guess because she's so adorable and you just wanna disfigure her perfect face (hahaha). I decided to evil and placed snow in Ping's back hehehe. Tom was kind of in his own little world and attempted to make a snow man but miserably failed. He eventually gave up and joined our little snow ball fight, every man for himself. Then Guanqiao decided to join us and we ganged up on him. He was very bitter when we all attacked him with snow but he lighted up and eventually joined us. It's been awhile since I had so much fun with snow.

After that, Guanqiao, Tom, Greg and I went to Little John's to have a late night snack. When we got there, we thought the place was closed since no one was there but fortunately it was. I ordered what I always ordered - wild turkey sandwich. I was happy because I only ate Ramen for dinner. My trip to Little John's further sufficed my hunger. Thereafter, I headed home and decided to drink some alcohol with my room mate! It was only Citrona, nothing too potent. Then somehow ended up talking to Tom for 2 hours on IM as well as Emily Lorand. After talking for so damn long, I realized it was 5:30AM. I abruptly ended the convo cause I needed the sleep.

Vicky Ayano Jones

Sat, 15 Feb 2003 23:54:50 GMT

Yeah, so I haven’t updated for awhile. I’ve been so busy with a lot of things. So this entry, is of course, a bitchy entry. It’s about Vicky. Who the fuck is Vicky? Vicky is the head director of Mahogany. She is also an elitist and an egotistical bitch who is inconsiderate of people’s feelings. Every time she talks to me I feel as if she conveys this condescending tone as if I am incapable of comprehending English. I’ve talked to a lot of people about her and they too have expressed the same concerns including Doreen, the Historian of Mahogany, as well as Loatiloat . I don’t know, maybe I’m guilty of being sexist…it has been shown that men tend to associate bitchiness and insolence among successful women who are in a position of power. Vicky is very intelligent and very active – she’s an Echols scholar, a Jefferson scholar, a staff writer in the Cavalier daily, a peer advisor (god heaven forbid), a member of the Anthropology society (whatever that maybe), an IMP member, a part time dj, an anthropology and foreign affairs major, a pre-med student, as well as the head director of Mahogany (unfortunately). She’s in so many activities – I guess I feel so unaccomplished and I have some jealously. How come I know all this information? Well, she mentioned all these activities in her email signature. Which I think was rather obnoxious. So maybe the sexism issue does play a role in my judgment but I also have concrete evidence for her attitude problems such as the emails she sent to the entire troupe:

Email to Mahogany on Tuesday, February 4, 2003:

If you are in a dance that just isn't your style or you know you can't move like that and AREN'T WILLING to put in the extra time then please consider that in your decision to be in the dance.

Each dance is representing the mission of Mahogany, to portray African-American styles of dance. Half of that portrayal is going to be personality and attitude and style, no matter if you're black or not. Please also keep that in mind as we begin practices. This isn't just a work out. They're not just moves. They're not just nice songs. There's more to it than that.

It's important to me that all of the new people joining or even old people know that this is not just another dance group on Grounds. We have a larger mission.

I can not emphasize these points enough.

Vicky

Email to Mahogany Monday, February 10, 2003:

Some pertinent information that was conveyed at practice:

Practices looked pretty good. Thank you for all for your hard work and keep it up.

I have concerns about some of those that have newly joined the group. Please take the mission of our troupe seriously. We are here to portray African-American styles of dance. 99% of that is style and attitude and RHYTHM. There are many people joining our group who need A LOT of work.

This troupe isn't just about teaching dance, you must be able to contribute something back.

If any member does not look good in their dance by the week of the recital, he or she will be pulled from the recital. I refuse to have some one participate in our show who can not do our moves or choreography justice.

Be aware of this fact, and please take your membership to this group seriously. We have an important mission, and we have high standards. Our bond is our ability to dance in a certain style.

If you are having issues with this style and know you're not willing to work harder that others in order to improve (which means not hiding out in the back). Please consider this in your decision to stay in the group.

I will see you all in practice,

Vicky

People have also expressed other concerns. Elizabeth informed me that Amanda was upset because she contacted Vicky. Amanda felt that there was some tension between her and Vicky so she felt the need to approach her but Vicky only responded ferociously and said “I don’t even know you and I don’t care to know about your personal issues. We’re here to dance, not to deal with personal issues.” Then a couple of days ago, she called me to make sure my dance practice was going well. She emphasized that I make sure that my dancers are getting the moves right because she mentioned that my dance last semester was one of the worst dances. I was deeply insulted by what she said but I didn't want to instigate an argument. I knew my dance last semester wasn't the best but I didn't think it was one the worse either. She just had to say it so bluntly.

All I can say is that Vicky lacks people skills. I just hope she will never be in a position of power again. I can not wait till Mahogany is over I’m so fed up with her attitude. She has emphasized attitude so much, clearly attitude has overpowered her own personality. Her attitude is seriously a disgrace to humanity. Such a shame . . .

Last chance, Last dance.....at Apex

Fri, 10 Jan 2003 21:22:33 GMT

I finally sent my Brown application on Monday. On that day, I was thinking of the worse possible things that could happen. I kept thinking what if I got in a car accident on the way to the post office, what if my application gets drenched, and all the bad stuff that could render me homeless next year. I'm just afraid that I won't get in…But I'll apply to the Mosaic house just in case.

Monday night, Dinah, Justin and I went to Jen's house and we just basically talked. Yeah…I did a lot of talking this break but it's good to catch up with high school friends. We saw Zizzy and Dominic, whom I may not see for the next 2 years or so. He told me that he's going to take classes and work over the summer at Buffalo, New York. Now I have an excuse to go to New York. McKenzie also told me that Dominic knows some cute guys. Please Dominic, hook me up…Unfortunately, we missed Ingrid and Rania because we arrived too late.

On Tuesday, Dinah, Ingrid, Rania, and I decided to watch Chicago, since Chris Howell told me it was an awesome movie. I liked the plot very much but there was too much singing going on. Well yes it is a musical, hence the incessant signing and dancing. There should be a balance between dialogue and singing otherwise the movie can be very dull. For example: "Evita," was incredibly horrible because Madonna sang in every fucking second of the movie. It was nice seeing Ingrid, I know I won't see her for awhile. She mentioned that she might stay in Boston and work there over the summer. So I don't know when I'll see her again. It seems like everyone is beginning to separate and take his or her own paths. McKenzie is going to be in Lafayette over the summer to take Chemistry classes so I might not see her until NEXT winter break. She also mentioned studying abroad in Australia the summer after next summer. Dinah will be in Virginia Tech for half of the summer to work and take classes. Justin will be in China over the summer. I just recently made the decision of staying in NOVA, taking physics lab classes at GMU and maybe getting a UVA affiliated internship in DC. Staying in the vicinity of NOVA will allow me to spend some quality time with friends. I missed the company of my friends last summer when I was taking a 9 week French program in UVA with my boring ass room mate. But most of the Madison crew won't be here for the summer! Oh well…

Wednesday night, Loatman and I played chess with his new Simpsons chess set. I was amused by the chess pieces because I've always played with the standard chess pieces and it was my first time playing with a "special" chess set. I was trying to impress Loatman with my exceptional chess ability. I told him that I won 3rd place in a chess competition, which was held in Washington DC when I was in 5th grade. But sadly, I lost to Loatman. How pathetic…obviously, my 5th grade chess level wasn't sufficient enough to beat Loatman. Thereafter, we watched a movie (I don't remember the title of the movie) but I remember laughing throughout the movie.

Thursday night, I called Loatman because I was bored and I felt like doing something. During our conversation, Mike Weiss called Loatman and invited him to Weiss's house to watch TV. Loatman didn't like the idea - he wanted to go Badlands/Apex before going back to UVA. I told Loatman that it might be appropriate to spend some time with Mike Weiss because he might die sometime during his semester abroad in Tel Aviv, Israel. Loatman was confident that Mike Weiss would manage to stay alive. So we decided to go to Badlands/Apex. Chris Howell and Jeff Eyesenburg decided to come along too. Before I left, Kevin called my cell and informed me that Adrienne, Nia, and him will be at Apex too. I always get excited when more people come along. I also saw Esti and Joe Alger. I don't remember knowing so much people in a club before. Unfortunately, I saw Shawn again. I have to say that he looked better after he shaved his facial hair. It was obvious that he was trying to persuade me to come back to him. He told me that he was drunk the night he was making his commitment and that he was sorry for scaring me away. He kept babbling on and on and how sorry he was. Shawn was freaking me out more, the guy is seriously obsessed! I have such a hard time turning people down so I knew I had to get away from him before I give in. Esti told me to go to the bathroom and ditch Shawn. I followed Esti's advice and didn't see Shawn for the rest of the evening. I feel really bad but I had to end it. He's mature enough to move on…My body was giving up around 2PM. At one point, I was barely dancing and I just moved my hands and shoulders. We left the club around 2:30PM and on the ride home Chris Howell shared his drama, I could barely hear him because of my exhaustion but I tried to express some sympathy. Once I arrived home, I headed straight to bed to pacify my aching muscles. But for some reason I couldn't sleep. I kept thinking about Chris Howell and his drama. I began to feel ambivalent about Chris Howell's issues. Don't get me wrong, he's a nice guy but I don't think Chris Howell could ever understand the problems that Loatman, Jeff Eysenburg, and I face. We're not as fortunate as Chris Howell. Ugly and mediocre guys barley get the chance of experiencing relationships, attractive guys have problems finding stable relationships. Maybe I should listen to what Loatman said, "I should spend more time in my studies instead of wasting my time with boys." I'm beginning to miss UVA, the textbooks, and my favorite spot in Alderman library...

New Years

Sun, 05 Jan 2003 08:20:27 GMT

I was completely confused with my New Years' plans. It was New Years' Eve and around 5PM I still didn't know what the hell I was going to do. This is what I hate about holidays; I feel obligated to do something "special" because everyone else is doing something "special." I wanted my New Years' Eve to be eventful and memorable. My ideal plan was to rent a hotel in DC then go clubbing but I've learned that the cover charges at most clubs during New Years' Eve are ridiculously expensive! Some of the cover charges reached up to $40! I think it's insane to pay $40 for a fucking party. I had three options (1) staying home (2) going to Karen and Val's dinner thing or (3) watching the Dick Clark show with Loatman. None of these options sounded too exciting. I decided to attend Karen and Val's dinner plans because I saw the opportunity of catching up with high school friends. The dinner thing turned out to be more exciting than I thought. I expected people to talk about classes and stupid stuff like McKenzie's party, but it turned out to be interesting. We went to Clyde's restaurant and I ordered a delicious roasted salmon platter. Erica, Justin (my current room mate), Sean Montgomery, Doug (Val's current boyfriend who also goes to UVA), Diana, Kai, Diana's friend from T-tech, and the sister of Diana's friend decided to participate in Val and Karen's dinner plans. I was surprised to see Kai because I have not seen him in a while. He too was a Madison student but he graduated a year before me. He was also in track & field and cross-country. I also remember McKenzie having this crush on him but he wasn't aggressive or dominant enough to pursue a relationship with McKenzie. After the dinner, we all went back to Karen's house to hang out for a bit and anticipate the ball drop at midnight. Loatman had called me and told me that Luke had called him and informed him that Esti is having a party. I thought it would be rude to leave Karen's party but Loatman persuaded me to go, so I went ahead and joined Loatman and Luke. Esti's party was nice. There were a couple of cute guys there (Alex, Cliff, and that guy Sabri brought along ~ I talked to him for awhile but I don't remember his name). Watching the ball drop and counting down to the New Year wasn't that interesting…but celebrating New Years with a different crowd definitely made it interesting. 2003 is here…I don't feel any different. I refrained from making any resolutions because I eventually forget them anyway.

On Friday, I hung out with Jennifer, Karen, and Rania. We went to some hotel near Tyson's Corner and watched stand up comedy. It was ok, it wasn't incredibly funny or anything. But there was this gay guy (well I'm pretty sure he was gay) and I was laughing my ass off with his jokes. Unlike the other comedians, he had a very serious tone and he didn't laugh at his own jokes. Then we all decided to hang out at my house, but they all didn't want to stay too long because they were all tired. Then McKenzie, Dominic, and Patty stopped by my house and we talked for a bit.

Saturday night (yesterday night), I wanted to go to Nations just to release some energy because I have been staying home and have been worrying about the Brown application. So I call Loatman and he didn't like the idea he wanted to watch a movie instead. I called Mike Weiss and he said that he's waiting for a phone call from Chris Howell and Jeff Eyesenburg because both of them were thinking of going to Nations. Mike Weiss said that he would call me back if he hears from Chris Howell or Eyesenburg but he never called back. I told Loatman that we should just watch a movie at my house. Then Ingrid and Rania called me because they were bored, I told them they could join Loatman and me for a movie. Eventually, Maria also came along. Then McKenzie called me because she was bored too, so I told her to come to my house for a movie. It was nice seeing everyone especially Ingrid because I haven't really talked to her during this break and she's already leaving on Wednesday! So I was glad that I didn't go to Nations because I enjoyed having the company of my high school friends as well as Loatman. I also enjoyed watching "Romy and Michele's High School Reunion" (thanks to Loatman).

Tomorrow I'll be finishing up my Brown application...and I'm going to send it!